Overall Rating
  Awesome: 20.97%
Worth A Look: 9.68%
Average: 9.68%
Pretty Bad: 5.65%
Total Crap: 54.03%
3 reviews, 106 user ratings
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| White Chicks |
by Scott Weinberg
"Haw haw haw! Those Wayanses sure do hate whitey! It's just hilarious!"
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Imagine a movie in which Matthew Lillard and Freddie Prinze are required to dress up like big-bootied, jive-talkin', neck-shakin' Ghetto Girlz. They'd get into all sorts of inner-city escapades as they avoid crack dealers and liquor store bandits, all while muttering lines like "NUH - UH, SUGA!" and "You GO, Soul Sista!" The happy ending would arrive when the Ghetto Girlz finally make it to the welfare office, get their checks, and go on a shopping binge for fake fingernails and 40s of Colt 45!! What's that? That's shamelessly racist and not at all funny?? I couldn't agree more.....
Words fail me.
Generally I just sit down and a movie review can sort of pour out of me. In really extreme cases (like when a movie is really excellent or truly nauseating) the process is impeded by long bouts of contemplation, but there's never any sort of writer's block or anything.
I sit here now...completely constipated. I simply don't have the words to describe how woefully inept, painfully stupid and irretrievably amateurish this film is. It looks like something slapped together by a bunch of teenagers over one drunk weekend. Were it not for the resounding box office success of the first two Scary Movie flicks, this screenplay would now be a pile of ashes in some Hollywood crematorium.
I've got nothing personal against the Wayanses. All seventeen of 'em can be quite funny in certain situations. If only the Wayanses were as funny as they so clearly think they are; then we'd really have something!
The latest offering from Wayans A, B and D (Keenen, Shawn and Marlon) is a stunningly atrocious comedy entitled White Chicks. The title tells you all you need know about the film, but doesn't come close to explaining how smug, hateful, annoying and pathetic the movie actually is.
Dusting off the single most desperate piece of comedy schtick known to mankind (that'd be "cross-dressing"!), the Wayanses trudge through this mindlessly flaccid farce with a snide and perpetually off-putting sneer. If the idea of two slang-slingin' black fellas who dress up as spoiled socialite white chicks sounds like something innately hilarious or particularly creative, then by all means make an immediate pilgrimage to the closest multiplex. But if you're among the millions who've already seen the TV ads for this racist piece of flotsam, you already know how horrible this movie is.
So basically we got two black guys who pose as white girls. Sometimes the black guys forget they're posing as white woman and they spew that oh-so-clever street jargon in a deep, male voice. Imagine the faces of the passers-by when this happens! A black man's voice coming out of something that looks like a melted vanilla candle! Oh my sides. If that didn't slay you, get this: Black people dance good! White people have no rhythm! And they lack proper booties! And they're really stupid, too!
Since a movie needs to be about 80 minutes long these days, the Wayanses branch out to include all sorts of hilarious stuff. When the "we're black guys making fun of whitey, so it's OK" material starts to run dry, we get snippets of bestiality humor, tons of LOUD FART humor, and liberal sprinklings of scenes in which people fall down or chew their toenails in swanky restaurants.
The movie started off with an abysmal concept, and did absolutely nothing to improve upon it. The two Wayanses in front of the camera are ever-mugging and perpetually keening morons. With a pair of gifted comedians, this dreck could almost fly; with these two self-congratulating ciphers onscreen for 80+ minutes...it's the stuff of nightmares. The Wayans behind the camera (Keenen, for those keeping score) displays a directorial sense that could best be described as, well, awful. The whole movie looks and feels like a feature-length TV pilot - one that everyone involved knows will never be picked up by the network.
Take the most base and sniggering segments of Bringing Down the House, Marci X and the complete works of Mr. Martin Lawrence ...and then somewhow amplify the awfulness by about 900 degrees. Then you'll have a near-idea of how reprehensible this shambles of a movie actually is.Clearly created with the intention of discovering a whole new sublevel beneath Lowest Common Denominator, "White Chicks" is easily one of the worst "comedies" I've ever seen. As a farce, it's flat and painful to behold. As some kind of "satire on the race barrier"... puh-leeze. That's bullshit spewed in publicity material; a smoke-screen for a movie that revels in the most basic and vile racial steretypes imaginable.
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link directly to this review at http://efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=10110&reviewer=128
originally posted: 06/24/04 01:06:03
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This film is available for download or online viewing at CinemaNow.com For more in the CinemaNow.com series, click here.
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USA
23-Jun-2004 (PG-13)
DVD: 26-Oct-2004
UK
N/A
Australia
05-Aug-2004
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