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After losing his wife to a shark attack, Deuce Bigalow (Rob Schneider) takes up an offer from his old pimp T.J. (Eddie Griffin) to visit him in Amsterdam for the annual “Man-Whore Awards.” Upon arrival, Deuce learns that a shadowy figure with rare lipstick is killing off all the gigolos, framing T.J. in the process. Forced to go back to the world’s oldest profession to investigate the crimes, Deuce finds help and love in a sweet native (Hanna Verboom) with a scorching case of OCD.

Some time back, Rob Schneider threw a tantrum when the Walt Disney Corporation refused to finance a sequel to the sleeper hit, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.” Deemed too racy for the Mouse House, Schneider took the film to Sony to move the project ahead. Six years later (!), Schneider has returned to serve up more Deuce to a national viewing audience that didn’t ask for second helpings.

It was the best business and artistic decision Disney has ever made.

I’ve been giving Schneider the benefit of the doubt for some time now, and I will go to my grave believing that his last starring role, in 2002’s “The Hot Chick,” was a terrific send-up of the Britney Spears generation. However, the love stops here. “European Gigolo” is Schneider’s worst film to date, needlessly furthering this franchise from charming strikeout to flat-out repulsion. The film represents Schneider on an absolute tear, with the actor trying frantically to surpass the simple R-rated appeal of the original film and any other “adult” comedies that dare go for the crown this summer. Outside of a good crack about Mexican beach resort safety, and the obligatory (and welcome) Adam Sandler cameo, this sequel is the absolute pits.

Receiving the unfortunate assignment of making his directorial debut with “European Gigolo” is Mike Bigalow. There’s only so much blame that can be assigned to Bigalow since this is Schneider’s baby, though it must be noted that, technically speaking, the film is an incredibly sloppy creation. The timing is way off in many of the larger comedic moments, and Bigelow needs a refresher course on the proper use of music cues and cutaways before he makes another film.

The remainder of this nightmare belongs solely to Schneider (who also scripts), who gets a huge kick out of repeating gags from “Male Gigolo,” and trying to top himself in the sight gag department for the new film. “European Gigolo” runs through the familiar montage of Deuce’s dates, including a young woman with a tracheotomy hole, which leads to sorry attempts at physical humor in a dinner sequence. And there’s the film’s lowest point: a woman with male genitalia for her nose (she’s a former resident of Chernobyl). I bet you can’t guess what happens when she sneezes. I’ll let that sink in for a moment.

Throw in Eddie Griffin’s amazing cinematic world record attempt at not being responsible for a single laugh during his entire career, rather substantial and mean-spirited racial humor, and a liberal dose of homophobia, and this is what Schneider wants to share with the world. Ouch.

As the film plows through endless sexual wordplay games (sex metaphors like “Turkish Snow-Cone“ and “Filthy Ramirez” are beaten into the ground), clichéd Amsterdam hijinks, and scarily unfunny “prosti-dude” situations, the feeling that Schneider was swinging too hard for the fences comes to mind immediately.

Schneider has proven repeatedly that nothing is going to kill his career, but if the case ever goes to trial, “European Gigolo” should put him away for life.

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originally posted: 08/12/05 14:02:11
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