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Overall Rating
  Awesome: 21.31%
Worth A Look: 14.75%
Average: 42.62%
Pretty Bad: 14.75%
Total Crap: 6.56%
6 reviews, 25 user ratings
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| Black Hole, The (1979) |
by the Grinch
"The special effects are rivaled only by 'Space:1999' and 'Dr. Who'..."
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Hey, looking for some really crappy matte paintings? Acting that'd make post-White Zombie Bela Lugosi proud? A bunch of futuristic space crap that is...um...futuristic and spacey? Well, look no further, for the Walt Disney Company brings you......'Black Anus'. Oh, wait, I saw that LAST night. 'Black Hole', though I'm having trouble telling the difference right now.
I'd give you the ever ubiquitous plot summary, but I honestly have forgotten what the hell happened, and I just saw it a few days ago. Guess I should stop drinking out of aluminum cans, eating off aluminum cookware, and sprinkling aluminum powder on my 18th century wig. All I remember is the cast is super white, the villains have super bushy eyebrows and body hair second only to Ed Asner, and that the head lunatic turns his crew-mates into bio-mechanical robots (and they upstaged everyone, by the way) and wants to attempt to take a marooned space lab through a Black Hole so that he can find out if Einstein's wormhole theory is correct. Well, the only wormholes to be found here are in this plot, and maybe in the masters of the film, as the DVD version of this really bit.
If anybody thought it was worth it, I guess they could remaster this and touch up the dated effects a bit, but even George Lucas himself can only recycle garbage for so long. The film at least admits to being a cash-in on Star Wars, but I think even that's giving it too much credit. The special effects, when compared to films like Star Wars and Alien, are horrid. Everytime someone rounds a corner in the spaceship, you expect the T.A.R.D.I.S. to be there. Well, more like the R.E.T.A.R.D.I.S. in this case. When lazer blasts fly, you expect Buck Rogers to come walking around the corner having an existential discussion with Tweeky. Robots and models hover, very apparently aided by cables. Just bloody awful...The only highlights are are the campy Maxim Schnell, the robot MAXIMILLIAN, and Slim Pickens and Roddy McDowell as two floating trash cans...but after an hour of sappy cuteness, I just wished someone would've cut their strings.
 del.icio.us 
link directly to this review at http://efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=2593&reviewer=156
originally posted: 01/06/02 05:37:33
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USA
21-Dec-1979 (PG)
DVD: 03-Aug-2004
UK
N/A
Australia
N/A
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