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As usual, the film opens with a purple, fuzzy, Charles Dickens welcoming us to the story accompanied by a rat. These roles are played with good-natured fun by Gonzo the Great and Rizzo the Rat, respectively. And while we are used to this standard introduction the genius of the director, Brian Henson, and the writer Jerry Juhl, shines immediately in that they use the unprecedented technique of having the pair selling apples. It is obvious that Brian has inherited his father’s (deceased Muppet creator Jim Henson) flare for the dramatic. The scene of Rizzo eating a Macintosh will be burned into my memory for years to come.

As Gonzo quickly lets us know, Ebenezer Scrooge (Michael Caine) is an embittered old miser, and the very rich owner of a 19th century money-lending house. His greed and bitterness towards life is never the more obvious as during Christmas. Mr Scrooge’s feeling towards the season of brotherly love can be aptly summarised in his favourite saying “Christmas. Humbug.” Humbug means deception or hypocrisy (I looked it up). Scrooge hates everything except money, and everyone, with the possible exception of his only nephew, hates him. A great example is when two gentlemen come to Scrooge looking for donations for the poor. Both Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, and his articulate assistant Beaker, play the hapless gentlemen on the receiving end of Scrooge’s wrath.

In the unfortunate situation of being employed for Mr Scrooge is the poor and nauseatingly good Bob Cratchit (Kermit the Frog). I know, I know, right now you are rolling your eyes and thinking “Godfather; not another Bob Cratchit played by a frog”. Yes my children, it is so. However, Kermit is able to rise above the expectations we have of normal amphibian renditions of heroic characters to add something new to the role. Bob Cratchit is nobody’s toady (now you know why I have 5.5 billion readers, and my reviews are translated into 2,708 languages and dialects).

After Scrooge generously gives his staff the “entire day off” for Christmas, he goes home and is visited by the ghosts of his two business partners, Jacob and Robert Marley (the two old guys who heckle from the Muppet Show balcony). They warn him that his avarice and greed will lead him into eternal damnation but that they have made arrangements for him to have one more chance. He will be visited by three ghosts (Christmas Past, Present, and Future) who will have the unenviable task of turning Scrooge into a modern version of Saint Nick. The three ghosts are marvellous as they give us an insight into what made Scrooge the man he is, why his nephew likes him, and what will happen to him if he doesn’t change.

Despite the daunting task of being the first person to play Scrooge, Michael Caine takes the made-for-a-Muppet role and makes the idea that Scrooge could be human believable. Helping Caine is a score of very talented Muppets in a variety of supporting roles. The always beautiful Miss Piggy plays Emily Cratchit, Bob’s wife. Her performance is delivered with a divine arrogance that has become the trademark of this Princess of Pork, this Swine Superstar, this Karate-Chopping Pork Chop of the theatrical arts. Of course, this role did nothing to quash the rumours of the supposed secret marriage between Kermit and Miss Piggy. A rumour they have vehemently denied as neither believes in mixed marriages (Kermit is Jewish and Miss Piggy is a Muslim).

Kermit’s real life nephew, Robin, plays the usually sickeningly sweet Tiny Tim Cratchit. I know, there is nothing unusual about the appearance of a frog on crutches, especially since the introduction of frogs legs as a delicacy in countries where we think it is ok to eats snails, but make fun of people who eat cat (who’s up for some Chinese food). However, Robin brings a tenderness to the role that will create in you an impulse to go up to total strangers and say, without any preamble, “That’s one tough fucking tadpole” and then walk away. I know; I’ve done it.

Fozzi the Bear is brilliant as Scrooge’s first boss, Fozziwig. Instead of following his trademark sharp, cool, calculating, tough bruin role, Fozzi displays a gentler side, even to the point of enduring the heckling of his two young apprentices, Jacob and Robert Marley. That’s right. They don’t have to endure an unbearable decapitation via a swipe of the ferocious Fozzi’s paw. No grizzly endings for these guys. As a side note, it still remains a mystery to me how the makeup people can take those old guys and make then look like they are young men.

Finally, I must mention again the great job of narration that Gonzo and Rizzo do. When you think of the Muppets crew doing “A Christmas Carol” you naturally equate it to a Shakespearean drama with Mozart’s Requiem Mass as an ass-kicking soundtrack. However, Gonzo and Rizzo manage to keep this superb drama from being the deathly depressing flick it could have become (even if they do chicken out during one part of the narration).

It is worth noting that the movie did win the following awards: Best Frog In A Dramatic Role, Best Pig In A Dramatic Role, Best Frog In A Supporting Role, and Best Soundtrack Involving Rodents And Singing Produce.

Overall “The Muppet Christmas Carol” escapes from what it could have been, just another telling of a traditional Christmas tale of the salvation of a man’s soul involving boomeranging fish, and rats who Mambo and eat jelly beans, and turns it into something quite unexpected. I can’t help but feel somehow that Jim Henson may have been involved in this production in some way. Perhaps as a ghost writer.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.

For Hollywood BitchSlap, I’m the Godfather.

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originally posted: 12/16/01 03:36:15
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