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But then I decided to let this go. After all, perhaps I was just mired in the same preconceptions which had got Honest a decidedly frosty welcome this side of the pond. Apparently when this opened at Cannes the Americans had given it a much better review. So I opened my mind and got ready for a film which charts the culture clash when three East End sisters embroiled in a life of crime hit the London West End scene of the Sixties head on.

Interesting premise I thought, perhaps this will be alright after all. The trailer had looked Ok, and for once had given away very little of the plot (consisting of various things that the film was not). So things were looking up - then one of the All Saints opened her mouth.

Dear mother of God! I know precious little about voice coaching, and couldn't claim to know how difficult it is to teach someone how to do a semi-decent cockney accent. Yet the mangled abortion which comes out of each of these three's mouths was quite frankly appalling. So much so that it becomes hard to concentrate on anything else during the scenes that they are on. In fact, it looks like that's all they are concentrating on as well, as acting and doing an 'accent' seems well beyond their meagre talents. My cat can do a better Cockney impression and it's Scottish!

Must...ignore...voices...concentrate...on...plot. Oh dear. It consists of uneven parts and an ending which defies the belief of anyone who has any grasp of how big France is (Spoiler Alert(ish) - how did he even know they were in France? - Back to Normal Service).

Anyway, suffice to say stereotypes are rife, although it's nice to see a more realistic rendering of East End Gangsters than the current ream of Brit-Shit Gangster Flicks. Relative Newcomer Peter Facinelli is actually quite accomplished in his role and lends it a sort of likeable charm which is missing from much of the rest of the film. The main problem (I'm guessing) is that due to the large number of writers there is a really uneven feel to the film; it lurches about quite chaotically and certain scenes seem out of place. Some of the jokes have been done before and the lampooning of the stereotypes isn't overly successful (of course these people are unlikeable - they have no shred of realism in them). Also, the ending just goes on and on, despite being under two hours it seemed much longer - it just wouldn't finish.

Although Stewart hasn't got the best out of his 'stars' (although maybe he has - I'd hate to see their worst), his direction isn't terrible. His LSD scene seemed suitably intense (although also uneven and overlong). I wouldn't recommend he gives up his day job - but seeing as that seems to be composer for films like Showgirls, he seems tied up with movies one way or another (he also did the music for Honest, which had its moments).

Not an unmitigated disaster, and if you've never met a Cockney or watched Michael Caine then maybe you might appreciate it better (Hell, one American asked me if I came from Texas). The big sell for this was that you got to see the All Saints breasts, and if you care about this then yes, you do for a few exploitative seconds. But you have to put up with their woeful acting for the duration of the movie. Lets hope Stewart's vanity project doesn't spawn a sequel.

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originally posted: 06/10/00 04:05:43
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