Overall Rating
  Awesome: 59.42%
Worth A Look: 22.46%
Average: 5.8%
Pretty Bad: 11.59%
Total Crap: 0.72%
6 reviews, 102 user ratings
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| Crow, The |
by the Grinch
"'The Wraith: Part 2? If only it was!'"
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This is probably one of the most overrated movies I've ever seen.
Visually, The Crow is a quite stunning film....real eye candy with intricate set design, costumes, and clever lighting. What's that? Is there any substance to the movie? Nope, unfortunately not. The Crow is like someone you spot across the room who you think is attractive...until they speak!If you haven't seen this movie by now, well, I'll have to assume you must live in a hole in the ground with Bilbo Baggins or something. Just let me warn you beforehand that there may be a spoiler or two in the upcoming review, so if you're not hip to it, DROP IT LIKE A HAMBURGER FROM JACK-IN-THE-BOX! But trust me, the movie itself will spoil more for you than I ever could.
Just so it can't be said that I trashed this film for my jollies, I'll give some backing points as to why this left a worse taste in my mouth than that guy named Big Leon who I shared a cell with:
1. For someone who's been dead for a pretty long while, Eric Draven looks remarkably good. By all means, the guy should've been a wretched, pissed-off zombie straight out of a new wave Romero film. We can't have that, though, that would make the cover of Teen Beat look more like Fangoria. I wonder why Calvin Klein doesn't hire CORPSES instead of models to promote their underwear...oh wait, they do!
2. Okay, the woman you love has been ruthlessly murdered, as well as yourself...working, working, working your way out of the grave, all you can think about is avenging your love...BUT WAIT! Before you get revenge, you have to pick up some white grease-paint makeup and eyeliner so you can make yourself up like some sort of Marcel Marceau Crack-Addict Mime! Puh-lease.
3. What the hell is with that 1-2 minute rippin guitar solo on top of the roof!? My wife's murderers are walking free to kill, but, hey wait! I just got an idea for a rippin lead! WEowowow-wow...Yeah! Rock n ROll! Eddie Van, you got nothing on Eric Draven! The title song "Can't Rain All the TIme" should've been called NO BRAIN ALL THE TIME!
4. Note to all filmmakers: Inserting scenes of hip bands playing in hipper clubs does not make you hip to your target audience. (See also "Hideaway" and "Crow:City of Angels")
5. How come the thugs always have to have clever biker names, like, RIN TIN, or SNAKE? How bout some thugs with names like Glamour Boy, Mike, Horace, or Basil? Just an observation.
In a nutshell, this movie really isn't much different or much better than the movie "the Wraith" which had the same plot, and almost the same characters, and came 10 or so years earlier. I will say that there's some good action scenes, and the direction by Alex Proyas is top notch. The new-agey climax was kinda lame, dead lead actor or not.
The main thing that pisses me off with the Crow franchise is this: There are possibilities for this story...if there have always been different Crows, then WHY THE FUCK DO THEY KEEP THE SETTINGS, CIRCUMSTANCES, AND TIME PERIOD THE SAME AND KEEP USING THE SAME PRETTY BOY TYPE ACTORS?! My god, there's even a show based on this crap now, put out by those upholders of T.V. excellence USA Network. And it SUCKS, because they limit the story by trying to play off these teeny boppers' silly attachment to the Brandon Lee icon. Hey, how bout a Crow who was a civilian killed in an African civil war...he comes back and decimates both huntas, and saves the civilian populace? Or a little kid killed by a pedophile or SOMETHING! But hey, taking a chance at originality seems to be a new concept for these people.The Crow: A mediocre movie, based on a mediocre comic book by a mediocre artist/writer (yes, I've read the J.O'Barr books, kill me now!). Too bad this had to be Brandon Lee's swansong. Especially in this regard, Lee gets the same pity I reserve for John Candy and Chris Farley...poor bastards.
 del.icio.us 
link directly to this review at http://efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=754&reviewer=156
originally posted: 09/08/99 03:51:03
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USA
11-May-1994 (R)
UK
N/A
Australia
06-Jul-1994 (MA)
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