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Overall Rating
2.11

Awesome: 5.32%
Worth A Look: 10.64%
Average: 11.7%
Pretty Bad: 34.04%
Total Crap38.3%

5 reviews, 64 user ratings


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Lost in Space
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by Dill Havarti

"Freeze my ass, please!"
2 stars

With clothes that cool, I want to be Austin Powers when I grow up. Sure, send me forward in time! People can't even remember how to breath on their own, I'll be a sex symbol baby, YEAH!

First off, all due respect to the camera, grip and lighting department for making the outstanding production design look so incredible. Technicians usually work just as hard on crappy movies as they do on good ones, and this one has a ton of work very apparent.

Now then, 'splain me something; how do these characters get any work done? This film absolutely relies on two things: 1. Handheld deteronic frombotzers with silence and inactivity filled in by SGI workstations, and 2. the sexual tension created by wearing clothes that were probably designed by the same guy that thought up the Obsession commercials, a kind of 18th century concept of restrict and amplify. Really, how could you operate in that environment, how could you breath in those clothes?

Enter Matt leBlanc. The late 20th century-style cap'n crunch Ace Pilot of a flying party-favor is cast alongside a happy family of slighty-kooky geniuses. They all flit through space, catching a killer plot-wave in the space-time con-bore-deum. Mr. leBlanc does an absolutely perfect job of portraying how we work. We abridge. We kick ass. We assume people will eventually respond to thuggish "Let's get butt naked and fuck tonight" advances, the only (I believe demographically-questionable) repeat audience the producing company could hope to expect with the kind of hype and budget heaped upon the film. It's kind of like they said "Hey, we think there's a market for this crap. And, hey, we can make a MOVIE!" I mean, what was their pitch, really?

The upshot of the picture is harmless enough, given our typical range of easily accessible choices. In act two/three, man-child "possible future" son of Mr. Lost battles bad-guy/insectcreepo battles designer-made chastity-moonsuit people in a "she can't take much more, captain" fight, leading to rosy milk and honey sunset. Sort of a man's idea of a good $now-Bl@yd-Grrl date movie, really.

I've got to admit, though, that there were some cool effects, and some really great stuff got through that I liked. It is a sexy movie that switches gears quickly, is well made and, well.... it made me HORNY, baby, YEAH! It wasn't as long as other bad movies that I have sat through, and I waited 'til it cost a buck. What can I say? It is engaging to play while the music thumps at a great party.

I haven't bothered to store the data in my Spacebrain, but I hope somebody got lucky somewhere in this movie. They hit every other B movie cliché, and I love purists.

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link directly to this review at http://efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=86&reviewer=95
originally posted: 04/30/99 17:53:52
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User Comments

1/08/10 George A real stinker. 1 stars
12/04/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
10/25/07 Billie Bob Enjoyable, Fun. The Critics will always find something to criticize 4 stars
7/05/07 Chariot57 Movie is complete crap talk about role reversal Rogers is a bitch and Hurt is a Whimp 1 stars
4/26/07 Abs Total rubbish waste of time... 1 stars
2/19/07 Nick Maday I think the only reason I like this is because I saw it when I was a kid. 4 stars
6/15/06 drydock54321 I hate it when they retell the origin when they make a big screen version of a series 3 stars
8/18/05 ES man has the ability to travel to other stars, yet they only travel through time?= Star Trek 2 stars
6/18/05 Thomas Semesky Makes the TV version seem like Shakespeare in comparison!! 2 stars
4/18/05 Jeff Anderson Okay, so it wasn't as good as the series, but so what. I enjoyed it, so lighten up people. 4 stars
3/27/05 Pierre Script is unimpressive, but Gary Oldman can redeem a lot. There is better and worse here 3 stars
12/16/04 BRET Well lets burn the master negative this was B.A.D. 1 stars
8/02/04 Raf Milis I like this movie..although the ending is crap and Hurt is playing like a turtle on crack.. 4 stars
5/25/04 Sageev Some stupid dialog, but very good sci-fi & true to the original 4 stars
5/09/04 DM I'll just sit at home and watch the TV show - it was SUPPOSED to be funny 1 stars
4/19/04 Elizabeth After all these years it's still one of my favourite movies. 5 stars
3/22/04 Roger C'mon guys! A little childish sometimes but all in all not that bad. 4 stars
9/26/03 Anthony I did walk out on this the first time around. On dvd the special features justify watching 4 stars
9/22/03 kill quacky this movie sucked ass it fucked the tv show up,sucks is taking it lightly. 1 stars
9/14/03 r Damned yellow alien. It's the devil of marketing, I tell you. 2 stars
8/04/03 punjab total pish-le blanc is an arsehole 1 stars
4/19/03 Ubu the Ripper If not for Oldman this movie would suck. Hurt seems like he's on prozac the entire film. 2 stars
12/02/02 Mike Awful AND boring. And that girl's voice! Kill me! 1 stars
11/23/02 Charles Tatum I unabashedly loved this thing! 5 stars
6/22/02 qtpie good 4 stars
4/03/02 Butterbean This is as bad as people say. Not even Oldman can help this one. 2 stars
1/06/02 Andrew Carden Rip-Offs The Original In A Bad Waste Of Uncreative Specialties. 1 stars
9/09/01 Neil Pickup This is possibly the Worst film I have ever seen. Can I give no stars? 1 stars
9/01/01 Connoisseur I'm giving it five stars because of the effects and neat story 5 stars
8/06/01 badfish Great special effects,If it wasnt for that lame Blarp,Id have given it 5 stars 4 stars
6/05/01 Roy Smith Oldman's cool, Chabert is sexy (yes!) but the movie blows dead bears. 2 stars
5/05/01 Gracy Lionheart Boring...The movie was annoying. (I normally like Sci-Fi, but this blew) 1 stars
2/03/01 viking Warning ! Warning ! Another Classic TV series is ruthlessly exploited !!!! 2 stars
1/22/01 Ro Worth it for mean and moody Gary Oldman. Otherwise, 100% Fuckshit. 1 stars
12/06/00 Cristopher Revilla David, are you an asshole, or don't know how to watch movies? 'cuz this movie's total shit 1 stars
11/29/00 The Evil Penguin wow, David Rogers. You ARE all of the above 1 stars
8/03/00 Lacie Wright The ending sucked dead bears, who can understand it? Yeesh! But, overall I loved this movie 4 stars
5/04/00 Hi there Gosh, David Rogers, tell us how you really feel. 1 stars
4/17/00 BB-15 David Rogers is either a liar, a fag, or a mental patient. Probably all of the above. 1 stars
4/04/00 Girl9 Worst movie...you couldn't even pay me to watch this piece of shite again... 1 stars
2/08/00 Richard Wright Based-on-TV films reach a new height of crapness. Complete shit in every way. 1 stars
1/04/00 Truth Man If this movie was a dog it would have been euthanised and put out of it's misery. 1 stars
12/23/99 bullit17 And you thought Sci-fi crap couldn't get any worse than Fifth Element 1 stars
12/04/99 PervertedPixie Well someone had to stick up for this film. Dr. Smith rules! Long live whaked-out sfi!! 5 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster Better than the t.v show , not great , watchable if you like the actors etc , otherwise NOT 3 stars
10/05/99 strike One of the most dumb excuses i have ever seen 1 stars
8/20/99 Japtalian They should have named this "How to fuck up a classic T.V. show without really trying." 1 stars
8/18/99 Matthew Bartley Shit and boring 2 stars
6/25/99 Ah Dooey What the hell were you expecting, Star Trek?! Leave the classics alone! 2 stars
6/15/99 Dylan This is the biggest pile of junk ive ever laid my eyes upon. Even Oldman is unconvincing. 1 stars
3/14/99 Viral Messiah No! 2 stars
2/16/99 Uncle Roy This job cost me my job at Long John Silvers 1 stars
2/09/99 Gary Should have stopped watching half way through & pretended better would show next week. 2 stars
2/07/99 Don Wilson No comment 1 stars
1/05/99 anon my eyes kept rolling up in my head with this recockulous plot 3 stars
1/03/99 Dasha OK, it was crap, but it kept me entertained, so... 3 stars
11/24/98 Ray Russ Perfect example of why child acting should be outlawed. The "1" on my 1-10 scale. 1 stars
10/28/98 Silent Rob Gee, and the series was so, so...I dunno...crappy? 2 stars
9/29/98 katherine oh my snored through the whole thing 2 stars
9/28/98 Heather Didn't think I'd like this one. I was wrong! 5 stars
9/15/98 Negative Creep OLDMAN as a HUGE FUcking BUG. This was just some fucked up repugnant shit. 1 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Shit. What was Oldman thinking? He's usually above this crap. 1 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee matt leBlanc is almost as irritating as Lacey Chabert. 1 stars
8/14/98 {{{OZ}}} It helped me sleep on a long plane flight, but I saw the ending. Eww. 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  03-Apr-1998 (PG-13)
  DVD: 07-May-2002

UK
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